Raising Good Humans, Part Two
by: Director of Lower School Rachel Fowle
Several weeks back, I shared some of my initial reflections on “what it takes to raise a good human.” In case you missed it, Part One included thoughts on the importance of consistency, follow-through, natural consequences, and the development of intrinsic motivation. Read below for the completion of my first list.
- More isn’t always “more.”
We cherish our children, so it can be tempting to give them absolutely everything they want. When we do this, we take away the opportunity to experience delayed gratification, productive struggle, or the value of earning something. Sometimes it’s important to say, “we aren’t going to do that/get that right now” or simply, “not this time.” Further, it broadens perspective and appreciation for what we have.
- Mistakes foster resilience, a growth mindset, and lifelong learning.
At Rossman, we actively teach our students about a growth mindset and cultivate lifelong learners. We want them to understand that mistakes are essential to the learning process and to our growth. With hard work and practice, we can all learn new things. This applies to far more than academics or athletics, and like most things, is far more effective when modeled by trusted adults. Children benefit when they see us, as adults, tackle a setback and work through it.
- Allow space for all emotions.
If our children know that we accept all of their emotions as valid and make space for them, they are far more inclined to authentically share with the adults in their lives, which in turn allows us to best support them through challenging times. Further, allowing our children to feel their feelings also supports empathy. Children can then genuinely relate to the experiences and feelings of others, having experienced them themselves, and offer appropriate support.
- Practice what we preach.
In closing, our children are always watching, and ultimately, the most powerful thing we can do is to actively model and live by the virtues we desire our children to embody. As a parent, I will be the first to admit that sometimes I haven’t always exhibited the kindness or patience that I would hope to. It is okay to make mistakes, and it is even better when we can say to our children, “Boy, I’m sorry. I was not my best self right then.” Repairing with and apologizing to our children helps them learn to do the same. What better way to instill kindness, honesty, respect, and responsibility?